Review: Artisanal Fromagerie and Bistro, or Cheese Bar Hunger Games — May the slice be ever in your flavor

Although you’d never think it from the things I write about, when I’m not stuffing my face with Megastuf Oreos or jelly donuts, I do attempt to eat relatively healthily. Yes, those Trader Joe’s frozen dinners and canned soups do come into the picture from time to time, but most weeks I cook lunch to bring into work, and aim to eat dinner at home as often as possible. As a consequence of both shallow pockets (beans = cheaper than chicken) and a growing love of fresh produce, I’ve kind of become a part-time vegetarian. Yes, I do love me some meat, but if push came to shove, I think I could survive without hamburgers or fried chicken. Veganism, however, is a whole other story. Sure, I could say goodbye to a rack of lamb or a Thanksgiving Turkey, but give up omelets? Pizza? Ice cream? Or worst of all, cheese? Sorry, PETA, it ain’t happening.

With that in mind, it will come as no surprise that my dairy-dependent friends Mike and Jacob and I would choose Artisanal Fromagerie and Bistro as our next dinner event. After all, it was Artisanal’s Cheese of the Month Club that inspired our gustatory pilgrimages in the first place. So last week we decided to dine in and see how this cheese-inflected restaurant compared to Murray’s. Worst case scenario, we’d end up with more than enough of our daily calcium requirement.

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Despite the Park Ave address, Artisanal is really just around the corner, on 32nd street.

First Impressions:

Unlike the restaurant offshoot of Murray’s Cheese, Artisanal has operated a bistro along with its fromagerie for over a decade. Located just off Park Avenue in the Flatiron/Murray Hill borderland, the restaurant is fairly unassuming. In many ways Artisanal’s aesthetic is the complete opposite of Murray’s Cheese Bar: while Murray’s was all casual white kitchen tiles and lactic-pun filled chalkboards, Artistanal is fashioned in the classic French bistro style, draped in red and yellow, with wicker chairs, leather banquettes, and elegant murals on the walls. The waiters were all dressed in crisp white shirts and black slacks, and were very friendly but professional. While Murray’s is small, noisy, and crowded, Artisanal was airy and bustling but discernibly refined in tone. I imagine that you’d be expected to shush your kids if they were being too rowdy in Artisanal.

Inside Artisanal -- note the mural along the back wall.

Inside Artisanal — note the mural along the back wall.

If Murray’s cheese bar is the young and hip, industrial kitchen American cheese club, Artisanal is the older Continental cousin who is more reserved, old-fashioned, methodical and professorial. The plus side of this is that the staff at Artisanal is eager to educate their diners about all aspects of the menu, from wine pairings to cheese varieties. Artisanal actually has quite an extensive menu of inventive takes on classic French cuisine, from Duck Bourguignon to (of course) cheese fondue. I was tempted to try several entrees, but resolved to hold out for another visit. We had come for cheese, so cheese it would have to be.

Food:
We opted to go for a couple of small plates (ostensibly for some greenery and balance, but who were we kidding) along with the “Plateau” — a board of meats, cheeses, and assorted accompaniments.

Butternut Squash Gnocchi, with a medley of vegetables. Look how big each gnocchi (gnoccho?) is!

Butternut Squash Gnocchi, with a medley of vegetables. Note how big each gnocchi (gnoccho?) is.

To start we had the butternut squash gnocchi, which were far from uniform in size, but unilaterally delicious. They were soft in texture without being mealy, and managed to achieve the smooth caramel flavor of butternut squash without veering into high levels of starch. The gnocchi came with a medley of roasted vegetables, including brussel sprouts and wild mushrooms. As it happened, we had chosen roasted root vegetables as our other starter, so there was a welcomed abundance of veggies, at least for me. The root vegetable side included potatoes, carrots, turnips, and more wild mushrooms, and all were well-seasoned, full of salt, pepper and oil while retaining a crisp bite. And given how fungi-forward I am, I was delighted by the double dose of mushrooms. I find it odd how much I relish well-made vegetables these days, but I suppose in the scheme of things, I could have far worse obsessions (cough cookies and candy cough).

Roasted root vegetables -- straightforward, but very well executed.

Roasted root vegetables — straightforward, but very well executed.

But let’s get to the main event: the Plateau. It arrived on a long wooden board, with a pile of charcuterie on one side, the selection of six cheeses in the middle, and a variety of dried fruit, walnuts, berry gelee, and a small piece of fig cake. In contrast to Murray’s Cheese Bar, there were no crackers provided, although we were offered unlimited refills on the complimentary bread basket (which featured 3 types of bread).

Our overflowing bread basket.

Our overflowing bread basket.

Our waitress was very kind and patient throughout the course of the meal, answering all of our questions and offering advice on the type of cheeses we should try and how we should plan our meal. An additional charming bit of good service was the fact that the fromager provided us with a marked menu from the cheese counter, which specifically noted which cheeses he had selected for us. Our six cheeses ranged from mild to intense, and included one of Artisanal’s special “truffle cheeses,” which we opted for at an additional cost. The “La Carte Des Fromages” menu was a wonderful resource, separated by animal of origin which is shown through an adorable heading featuring a little goat, sheep, cow or combination.

The Plateau -- rom bottom right counter clockwise: Camembert, Tomme De Savoie, Garrotxa, Trifulin, Holzige Geiss, and Roquefort.

The Plateau — from the bottom right counter clockwise: Camembert, Tomme De Savoie, Garrotxa, Trifulin, Holzige Geiss, and Roquefort. Not to mention the pile of charcuterie, sliced apples and pears, walnuts, fig cake, and strawberry gelee. Whew.

Although I love eating and learning about the vast multitude of cheese types, I’m actually not very good at breaking down and articulating the differences between individual cheeses. I’m going to attempt to go through my lows and highs of the Plateau cheeses, but my comments will probably err on the side of “um, cheesy and delicious!” rather than “oaken in quality, with a buttery mouthfeel.” For now, I can only aspire to that level of pretentiousness.

– Camembert (French cowsmilk, classic, soft cheese, very creamy and rich, earthy flavor): My least favorite of the bunch, probably because it was the most familiar cheese for me. I understand the reasoning behind including it — you want to have a more basic cheese that grounds the plate and gives the diners a “safe choice.” But as it happens I prefer the less assertive nature of Brie for my soft cheeses, and since I’ve had plenty of Camembert before, I was a little disappointed we weren’t trying a more exotic variety (some sort of American cousin, maybe?). There was nothing bad about this Camembert, but nothing that made it particularly memorable.

– Tomme De Savoie (French cowsmilk cheese — milder, little firmer, described as “nutty, stout”): I discovered when I got home that Tomme De Savoie is actually on my “Cheeses to Try” list (ugh, yes, I am that person. I know, I can’t stand me either). It was a little bit more of a palate cleanser, less coating of the tastebuds than the stronger cheeses on the board. This allowed the accompaniments to shine a bit more in combination with the cheese. For example, when paired with the strawberry gelee, you got a great contrast of sweet jam and the nuttiness of the cheese. Had I been offered the Tomme De Savoie on its own, I probably would have given it a stronger review, but it got a little lost in the funky fray of the stronger cheeses.

– Garrotxa (Spanish goat cheese, semisoft): Garrotxa was actually one of the cheeses featured during our Cheese of the Month Club, and I remember enjoying it then (especially because of the unusual name.) It was also on the nutty side of things — the menu describes it as having “hints of hazelnuts,” but again I found I preferred it when spread on bread or mixed with the fig cake, rather than savoring it alone.

– Roquefort (French sheepsmilk cheese, soft, creamy, strong  tangy flavor): As I think I mentioned in my Murray’s review, I’m learning that I really love flat-out “smells like feet,” in-your-face, assertive cheeses, so any type of blue cheese is A-okay with me. This Roquefort was pungent, and paired well with the walnuts, green apples and pear slices which balanced out the tang. When tasting cheeses I find I want a cheese that will linger on your tongue a little while, and this sample did in the best way possible. Definitely of a higher quality than your average Gorgonzola crumbles.

– Trifulin (mixed milk cheese with Black Truffle, semisoft): Although I really enjoyed this cheese, I’m struggling to identify what made it so good. Perhaps it was the richness of the Black Truffle in it. It was decadent and very creamy, but milder in flavor than I expected. Honestly, if you hadn’t told me it featured truffles, I would never have been able to pick them out. But at the time I was eating it, I couldn’t stop taking more pieces. This might have been a case of enjoying the novelty and the experience of eating something rather than favoring any particular flavor.

– Holzige Geiss (Swiss cheese, semisoft goat cheese): The neat thing about this cheese is that it is wrapped in tree bark as it ages. This is no holey Swiss cheese, my friends — it had a strong flavor with a heavy, creamy quality, and a salty kick. I found myself coming back for more again and again. It spread great on the soft french bread, and lame as it might be to say, I honestly believe the bark infused it with a “woodsy” quality. It had the kind of smokey earthiness I’m drawn to in stronger cheeses. Maybe it’s the earthy, mushroomy quality that I like (geez, this blog is like “Number One Oreo and Mushroom Fan” these days). I’m going to look for this one again — hopefully they sell it at Fairway!

The board also included some charcuterie and cornichons. I only tried a small piece of the meat, but it seemed to be very delicately cured and cut — not so assertive with the pickling flavor. I appreciated the variety of meats offered, although I suppose they could have been more deliberately plated. It was interesting the way that Artisanal sort of walked the line between reserved European aloofness and a little messier American eagerness. Maybe the Plateau is the perfect symbol of their interplay between serious cheese devotion and little more freewheeling food fun.

Of course we had to have dessert -- Warm chocolate tart with salted caramel ice cream.

Naturally, we had to have dessert — Warm chocolate tart with salted caramel ice cream.

Of course, all this food was not going to stop us from getting dessert. We finished off the meal with a warm chocolate tart, which was almost like a lava cake in terms of the oozing dark chocolate inside. It came with a scoop of salted caramel ice cream and a biscuit tuile. Since this is the third time I’ve had salted caramel ice cream in the past couple of months, clearly the salt/sweet/chocolate combo is becoming very trendy. For this ice cream, the caramel flavor itself was not as strong as the saltiness, but I was okay with that given the sweetness of the chocolate tart. There was also a semisolid chocolate sauce which seemed to be made of possibly unsweetened chocolate — it did cut some of the richness of the other parts of the dish, but in a distracting way that detracted from the overall dessert. Ultimately, as good as the tart was, after the variety of flavors we’d had from the cheeseboard, it was hard for the dessert to really stand out. I think I would have appreciated it more if I had ordered a more traditional meal, but given the richness of the Plateau’s offerings, the chocolate tart was pleasant, but not anything to rave about.

Final thoughts:

I think what impressed me most about Artisanal was the attention to detail shown throughout the meal. From our attentive waitress who patiently dealt with all of our questions (how good is this dish? Is this enough food? What’s a truffle cheese?), to the clearly marked rubric for our cheeseboard, to the never empty bread basket or water glass, I came away from my meal feeling like my experience as a diner was the top priority. Yes, you’re paying slightly more than you would at Murray’s, but that surcharge goes toward quality service and frankly, better food. I would say that if you’re looking for some wine and small bites, Murray’s is a fun place to try out. It’s more casual, which caters to those who either don’t care as much about cheese education, or those who are knowledgeable enough to recognize names and types of cheese and make selections on their own. Artisanal falls in the middle of that spectrum, reaching out to those like myself who are only just figuring out the difference between Raclette and Roomano, and appreciate a little guidance. Artisanal also wins points for offering a dessert menu that I’d actually want to eat (of course this goes into personal preference, since I’d clearly rather have cheese as a main course rather than a dessert. No apple pie with cheddar for me, please. The only dairy I take with my pie is ice cream). Overall, I’d recommend Artisanal Fromagerie and Bistro for a nice lunch or dinner, whether you’re a cheesehead or just looking for a slightly nouveau take on French cuisine. Settle yourself in for a classy, but down-to earth meal — rest assured that you’ll be taken care of.

Artisanal Fromagerie and Bistro
2 Park Ave
http://www.artisanalbistro.com

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America: One Nation, Overstufed — Megastuf Oreos

I’ve been thinking recently how the contents of this blog might imply that I lead quite the cosmopolitan lifestyle, my weeks practically overflowing with visits to lauded bakeries and trendy restaurants. Perhaps I should just let this impression continue, since the reality is far less exciting — think Trader Joe’s frozen dinners and Progresso Soups — but tempting as that may be, when I started Experimental Gastronomy, the goal was to provide an outlet for the pent up trivia and fascinations with food that I find taking up far too much space in my brain. So fortunately, this week brings me back to the origins of the blog. Let’s take a break from fancy dinners and get back to my roots — that’s right, we’re talking Oreos.

Last week began with a literal “stop the presses” moment. During my routine morning Google Reader catch-up, I stumbled upon this post from the Impulsive Buy. My mouth fell open. Megastuf Oreos? Could it be? Had Nabisco somehow heard my prayers and broken the double-stuf-creme barrier? I literally said out loud (to no one in particular) — “I need to find these.”

As I declared in my first post about Oreos, I am firmly in the “creme” camp of the “cookie vs. creme” debate (which Nabisco has now made the core(o) of their new ad campaign), so the idea of adding even more filling to an Oreo cookie sandwich was irresistible to me. However, Nabisco is far from first to think of this — Oreo hacksters have been posting pictures of triple, quadruple, or even dodecastuf Oreos on the Internet since reddit was born. How would an officially sanctioned, factory-baked mult-stuf measure up against the indie-stacked competition?

Thankfully, Megastuf was significantly easier to find than the Ice Cream Cookies n’ Creme Oreos — while my crack team of my mother managed to secure me a box from Target, I’ve actually since run across Megastuf in Duane Reade and Food Emporium. This may be due to the way Megastuf fits into Nabisco’s larger advertising scheme, or simply a nod to the sizable audience of creme-preferring Oreo eaters. I’d call us “cremers,” but that just makes me incredibly uncomfortable.

It’s also worth noting that Nabisco had previously attempted to alter the cookie/creme ratio, via the Triple Double Oreo. The TDO is the structural equivalent of a Big Mac — three cookies with two layers of creme, one vanilla, one chocolate. I’d rank the TDO pretty low on my Oreo variations list, for a couple of reasons. First — way too much cookie, and unless these bad boys are stale, that means each bite is gonna be pretty damn crunchy. Second — the creme layers are not Double Stuf, and I have standards. And lastly, who likes chocolate creme Oreos? It’s not even real chocolate — it’s chocolate-flavored. No thank you. That being said, if you’re on the cookie side of things, you may prefer the TDO to the Megastuf at the end of the day. Although if you’re a real Oreo lover, you’ll seek out the Oreo X3, the Argentinian Oreo product that features 3 cookies and 2 layers of original creme. God, I know way too much about Oreos.
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And with that in mind, let’s get down to the overanalysis of processed food. Enter the Megastuf Oreo. Thanks to my boyfriend, I had a box of Double Stuf on hand for a direct comparison. Despite having fewer cookies per box, the Megastuf package felt heavier than the Double Stuf box. I don’t want to think about the implications of the creme being the heavier part of the Oreo than the actual cookies.

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The package is actually stuf(f)ed to the brim with cookies overflowing with creme.

Upon opening the package, I was greeted with the familiar Oreo scent — cocoa intermingling with sugary sweet pseudo-vanilla. I would wager it was slightly more pungent with this product, but thankfully not the chemically-fortified strength of the Birthday Cake or Ice Cream Cookies n Creme varieties. Smell-wise, these are your basic Oreos, but if you maybe slathered the insides of the package in creme. Speaking of slathering, some of the Megastufs looked like they were nearly exploding with filling. The creme cannot be contained! (Getting uncomfortable again.)

Megastuf on the left, regular Double Stuf on the right. The Megastuf looks like it's slowly pulling the Double Stuf's filling into its gravitational field.

Megastuf on the left, regular Double Stuf on the right. The Megastuf looks like it’s slowly pulling the Double Stuf’s filling into its gravitational field.

Side by side with a Double Stuf, it appears that the Megastuf has about 1.5 times the filling of a Double Stuf. So I guess compared to an Original, the Megastuf is really a 3.5-stuffed Oreo? For me, this was drool-worthy, but I could see it being a little imposing for the old-fashioned Oreo pursuits (although really, you all should just be eating Hydrox — why even pretend to be part of the Nabisco sugar-industrial complex?).

The Megastuf was supremely easy to twist apart, most likely due to the lubrication from the extra filling. Tasting the standalone Oreo, the flavor is nothing new — classic, not too sweet cocoa taste. The creme was wonderfully soft, but again was nothing different in flavor. Nabisco was clearly not interested in revamping their formula with the Megastuf. I guess that’s what the Creamsicle/Berry Burst/Candy Corn Oreo monstrosities are for.

It will come as no surprise that overall I found the experience of eating a Megastuf extremely positive. Because of the softness of the filling, it spreads across the breadth of the cookies, providing a balance of cookie/creme flavors, and crunchy/soft texture in every bite. I sincerely hope Megastufs graduate from the Limited Edition space to mainstream Oreodom. The Megastuf singlehandly removes the most unfortunate consequence of underground Oreo hacks — what to do with the remaining naked half cookies once you’ve assembled your leaning tower of creme filling. The Megastufs also maintain the ideal composition, allowing bits of cookie and creme to be a part of the whole eating experience.

God, I'm actually salivating looking at this photo.

God, I’m actually salivating looking at this photo.

The only downside to the Megastufs is their nutrition. Coming in at 180 calories per 2-cookie serving, they’re only 40 calories more per serving than Double Stuf. But the Megastufs make up for it in sugar content, slapping you in the face with a stunning 18g of sugar per serving. For comparison, the worst rated sugary cereal, Honey Smacks, has only 15g of sugar per serving. So maybe hold back on the kids wolfing down a box of Megastufs, unless you’re prepared to wrestle them to the ground after they’ve finished crayoning the wallpaper.

In terms of Oreo product reviews on this blog, the Megastufs are the clear winner (wooo small sample size), but even beyond that, I will be keeping my fingers crossed that this Oreo variety stays around. Thanks to Valentine’s Day treats, I’ve still got 98% of the Megastuf box left, so I’m already deliberating on whether I should mix them with ice cream, or bake with them, or just savor the overflowing creme filling lick by lick. Ugh, regardless of how I eat them, I’ve got to stop writing about it. This post is getting less family friendly by the second. Bottom line: if you’re on the creme side of the cookie v. creme debate, go find these. Your mouth will thank you.

Review: Kutsher’s Tribeca, or What Would Your Mother Think?

I owe you all an apology about missing last week — trust me, there are some lame excuses (blah, blah bad cold, blah, blah crazy work week). I tried to make it up to you by writing a super huge review of my recent dinner at Kutsher’s Tribeca. Hopefully the high level of detail is informative, rather than snore-inducing.

Despite nearly two decades of Four Questions experience, my love of a good discount (3/$5 Progresso Soups? score!), and my ability to drop “oys” like Jay-Z drops rhymes, I have a complicated relationship with Jewish food. Sure, I love a good New York bagel, but I prefer mine with plain old cream cheese — none of this whitefish salad or scallion nonsense, and heaven forbid lox enter the equation. I’m pretty much the black sheep of the family due to my distaste for salmon in any form, and I’ve never liked pickles, kosher or otherwise. On the other hand, I have a real appreciation for some of the more calendar-specific elements of Jewish cuisine — Rosh Hashanah gives me an excuse to stuff my face with kugel, Chanukah means it’s acceptable to eat the equivalent of Waffle House hash browns for 8 days straight, and Passover, while generally forcing me on a low-carb diet, also means that my mother will bust out her lifechanging Matzoh Ball Soup recipe.

So it was with a bit of trepidation that I made a reservation for a Restaurant Week dinner at Kutsher’s Tribeca. The restaurant pays homage to the famed Catskills resort, where I imagine many of my grandparents’ Borscht Belt brethren literally loosened their slacks over some beet soup. As a girl who will generally order turkey breast over chopped liver at a deli, I was concerned about my options. But I had read some reviews of Kutsher’s that suggested reinvention was the name of the game. With my trusty foodie crew in tow (Jacob and Mike of Murray’s and Big Gay Ice Cream fame), I decided to let my Bubbe Flag fly. After all, it was Friday night, and my mother would be glad I was having a nice Shabbos meal.

The rather unassuming entrance to Kutsher's Tribeca

The rather unassuming entrance to Kutsher’s Tribeca

First Impressions

Kutscher’s Tribeca is located, unsurprisingly, down in Tribeca. I’ve always enjoyed walking around the area, but I’ve done it so infrequently that the neighborhood remains pretty anonymous for me, all former industrial buildings and empty dreams of running into Robert DeNiro. From the outside, Kutsher’s has a fairly generic appearance — a little modernist white palette, some darker tones on the oak entrance, a window that lets you peer into the sleek bar area, again largely shaded in black and white. Once you head into the restaurant, you get a better sense of the space. The medium sized bar gives way to a somewhat narrow front dining room, separated by a half-wall of suspended metal strings into the wider back room.

The inside of Kutsher's, just by the bar: synagogue chic.

The inside of Kutsher’s, just by the bar: synagogue chic.

The resounding impression I got from the decor was “upscale synagogue.” Gold plating, metal sculptures, and bright white granite surround you. If Kutsher’s was trying to evoke some nostalgia for the heady days of bar and bat mitzvah season, they definitely succeeded. It was as if by stepping into the restaurant, you were suddenly embroiled in a war between the aesthetics of a Hebrew school kiddush and the contemporary New York dining scene.

Food and Drink

Our "bread basket" of whole wheat and white challah and herbed butter.

Our “bread basket” of whole wheat and white challah and herbed butter.

Our meal started with a complimentary slate of small slices of white and whole wheat challah, with a herbed butter of some sort, maybe scallions or chives? When paired with the challah, it reminded me most of scallion cream cheese, and definitely pushed my palette in the right direction (ie, the Jewish one). Jacob and Mike had ordered cocktails while waiting for me, so I joined them and ordered the Poached Pear Bellini. It was sweet but not cloying, with a surprising lack of champagne flavor, and a bit of a spice kick when you got to the bottom. If you’re in the mood for a girly, fruity drink, I would recommend it.

Our cocktails -- my bellini is in the champagne flute to the right.

Our cocktails — my bellini is in the champagne flute to the right.

During Restaurant Week you can only order off a prix fixe menu, so this review may cover items that aren’t generally offered (although I think Kutsher’s actually did a good job of representing their usual menu). Socialist foodies that we are, Jacob, Mike and I agreed to do the meal family-style, in order to make our way through the majority of the prix fixe options. We did go off-menu for one item: the Challah Grilled Cheese, which is normally only offered at lunch, but seemed too good a dish on paper to pass up.
We started with the Pastrami Reuben Egg Roll, Mrs. K’s Matzo Ball Soup, Crispy Potato Latkes, and Challah Grilled Cheese. You know, just to whet our appetites. Here’s a quick breakdown of the appetizers:

The Pastrami Reuben Egg Roll, hands down my favorite dish of the night.

The Pastrami Reuben Egg Roll, hands down my favorite dish of the night.

-Pastrami Reuben Egg Roll (house-cured pastrami, emmentaler, sauerkraut and spicy duck sauce): How can you go wrong with a perfectly fried egg roll? I almost want to always eat Reubens this way — you have the wonderful contrast of texture with the crunchy outer shell and the tenderness of the deli meat and sauerkraut. The filling was salty without overwhelming my taste buds, salted just to the point of enhancing the creamy cheese, although between the richness of the pastrami and the dough, the specific flavor of the emmentaler was hard to detect. I wouldn’t really call the duck sauce spicy, but it paired better than expected with the pastrami. Overall, this actually ended up being my favorite dish of the entire night.

Mrs. K's Matzo Ball Soup -- c'mon, just one matzoh ball?

Mrs. K’s Matzo Ball Soup — c’mon, just one matzoh ball?

– Mrs. K’s Matzo Ball Soup (egg noodles, carrots, celery, chives and dill): Now as I mentioned above, I have extremely high standards when it comes to matzoh ball soup. My mother makes a simple, classic soup — just broth and balls, made with real chicken shmaltz (chicken fat skimmed off the stock, for the goyim out there). Perhaps because of this background, I found Kutsher’s iteration pretty disappointing.  The broth was very good — clearly made from real stock, with underlying notes of chicken and herbs. I would buy the broth just to use as cold medicine. The egg noodles were also great, and looked like they were freshly pulled. Generally I don’t think of egg noodles having much flavor, so I appreciated the homemade quality that actually lent them a presence in the soup. But then we come to the supposed star of the show, the matzoh ball, and here’s where Kutsher’s let me down. The matzoh ball was just plain bland. You could almost tell just by looking at it — stark white and too smooth. To Kutsher’s credit, it had a better texture than I expected, neither so soft as to fall apart once you scooped out a piece, nor requiring a chisel to cut through. While definitely better than the from-frozen glop you get at the local diner, to me, this soup fell short. If you’re going to go the traditional route (no fried wonton here), you better bring your A-game in quality.

Crispy Potato Latkes -- they suffered from some of the same issues as the soup, but fried stuff always tastes great.

Crispy Potato Latkes — they suffered from some of the same issues as the soup, but let’s be honest,  frying anything will make it taste pretty damn good.

– Crispy Potato Latkes (local apple compote and sour cream): Once again I come up against personal cooking experiences vs. a restaurant dish. I recently made my own latkes for Chanukah, and while these were certainly quality pancakes, I’m partial to my my own recipe’s proportions of potato and onion. However, I thought that Kutsher’s kitchen has more native latke talent than matzoh ball skills. Maybe it has something to do with their frying, since the egg roll also shined. The latkes were not too thick or overwhelmingly starchy, and had a nice brown cook on them. I don’t like sour cream on latkes, so I didn’t try it, but the apple compote had a fresh flavor to it. It seemed closer to homemade applesauce in texture, and not as sweet as I tend to think of compote being (probably because my knowledge of compote stems from college cafeteria waffle toppings — mmm, berries in heavy syrup).

The Challah Grilled Cheese -- amazing in concept, less so in execution.

The Challah Grilled Cheese — amazing in concept, less so in execution.

-Challah Grilled Cheese (cheddar, fontina, house-cured veal bacon & roasted tomatoes): As I mentioned earlier, we ordered this dish specifically because of how good it sounded. The description sounds like a beautiful smorgasbord of buttery, yeasty challah griddled and overflowing with cheese and bacon. Considering my last trip with this bunch was to Murray’s Cheese Bar, it comes as no shock that we had high hopes for a cheese-based entree. Alas, the reality was a far cry from our cheesy fantasies. The slivers of challah that had graced our bread basket were replaced with what appeared to be half of a loaf of thick, barely toasted challah. I personally prefer my challah from Zomicks, which falls on the eggy side of the challah-flavor spectrum (if this doesn’t exist, I’m patenting the concept), as opposed to the white Wonderbread type challah you also find at Fairway. Kutsher’s was more on the whitebread side of the spectrum, somewhat bland in flavor and almost too fluffy. There was just way too much challah and too little filling — I felt as thought if we had taken the sandwich apart, we would have found one slice of cheddar, one slice of fontina, a thinly sliced tomato and some bacon bits. This meant that the overall flavor was pretty much challah. I am a self-professed carbavore, but when you promise me meat and cheese, I’d expect them to have some sort of presence in the sandwich. The dish also came with fries, which were certainly well-made, but not particularly memorable.

Of course, despite my complaints, we managed to polish off all of our appetizers. I remember thinking “oh no, there’s still two more courses?” Unlike a lot of Restaurant Week menus, Kutsher’s definitely doesn’t skimp on portion size.

Our options were a little more scaled down for the main course: we opted for the “Flanken” Short Ribs, “The Delicatessen,” and the Friday Night Roast Chicken, leaving out the salmon entree, which my compatriots did out of deference to my cultural palatal inadequacies. Now if there’s one thing that Jewish mothers know how to do, it’s how to make sure their little puddins have enough to eat. In that regard, Kutsher’s gets a gold Star of David. Let’s just say they don’t skimp on the butter here.

"Flanken" Short Ribs-- unctuous, tender, and with a killer side dish.

“Flanken” Short Ribs– unctuous, tender, and with a killer side dish.

-“Flanken” Short Ribs (baby carrots, Brussels sprouts and mushroom barley): This was my favorite of the entrees, mostly due to the side items of the barley and vegetable medley. It appeared to be stewed in the rich beef broth, and continued to absorb the juices from the short ribs on the plate, leaving the grains and vegetables infused with a strong meaty, earthy flavor. Plus, mushrooms are just one of my flat-out favorite foods, so it’s no surprise I was all over this dish. The barley added a bit of textural contrast, soft but not mushy. The ribs themselves were tender, but were far from the falling-off-the-bone quality I had expected. I’d say I’m more of a brisket gal than short ribs (once again, Mama B makes a mean brisket), but I certainly enjoyed the entree, especially when taken as a collective dish with the sides. And surprisingly, this dish was not nearly as heavy as the roast chicken.

Friday Night Roast Chicken -- pretty good, but a bit of a gut bomb.

Friday Night Roast Chicken — pretty good, but a bit of a gut bomb.

– Friday Night Roast Chicken (pletzel and mushroom stuffing): I had initially anticipated liking this entree the most, and in fact had picked it out as my order before we decided on a family-style dinner. The week before I had gone to another Restaurant Week dinner at Alex Guarneschelli’s Butter and had a really lovely roast chicken thigh, which though slightly small in size, had been very moist with a robustly herb-crusted skin. Unfortunately I didn’t realize that this would set me up for an immediate comparison between Butter and Kutsher’s, and I consequently couldn’t help but be disappointed by Kutsher’s take. The chicken did have a nice crispy skin on it, but I wouldn’t say it was any better cooked than what I could make at home, and it certainly paled in comparison to Butter’s herbacious offering. As for the “pletzel stuffing” — a little Wikipedia research reveals that “pletzel” is an onion and seed covered cracker, so whatever made up the stuffing for this dish was playing fast and loose with that definition. The stuffing seemed to be your average cubes of regular chewy, soft bread (perhaps challah not used for the grilled cheese?), but since they were smothered in mushroom sauce, a definitive classification was nigh impossible. Obviously I enjoyed the mushroom aspect of the stuffing, but whereas the flanken ribs allowed the mushrooms to stand out amongst the barley, here I found them to be lost in the heavy, almost marsala-type sauce.

The Delicatessen -- I loved the plating, if not the contents.

The Delicatessen — I loved the plating, if not the contents.

– The Delicatessen (pastrami, smoked veal tongue, spicy salami & duck and chicken liver with rye and pickles): No shock that I was least interested in this dish, although I ended up liking it more than I anticipated. The Delicatessen gets top prize for plating, with the thinly sliced meats arrayed delicately (see what I did there?) across the wood board, bookended by condiments, thinly sliced rye crackers, and pickled vegetables. With the heavy weight of obligation to my heritage on my shoulders, I did my due diligence and tried everything on the plate. The pastrami stood out (though I really just wanted it in another egg roll), and the pate spread on rye was pleasant if unmemorable, but you will never, ever get me to voluntarily order tongue. At least I wasn’t face-to-face with the full on muscle at a deli counter (a disgusting consequence of my love affair with the sandwiches of Koch’s Deli near UPenn’s campus — check it out next time you’re in West Philadelphia, I promise it’s worth it) — but considering I’m not much of a cured meat person in general, tongue is about as low on my list of sandwich fillings as you can go.

Now if the contents of this blog haven’t made it abundantly clear, most of my life is a mere prelude to dessert. Kutsher’s pulled a bit of a classic Restaurant Week move on the dessert front — offering only two options: an assorted Cookie Plate, and the Black and White Cookie Ice Cream Sandwich. I’ve yet to find a fine dining restaurant with a mindblowing cookie plate, so we got 2 ice cream sandwiches and one cookie assortment, just to make sure we were covering our bases.

The Cookie Plate -- your standard bakery fare, miniaturized!

The Cookie Plate — your standard bakery fare, miniaturized!

– Cookie Plate: As expected, the cookie plate was pretty lame — a cute selection of miniaturized bakery mainstays like elephant ears and chocolate chip cookies, but everything was basically dry and brittle texture-wise, except for my favorite piece, the coconut macaroon. The macaroon was thankfully far from the sad contents of those tins of Manischewitz kosher for Passover macaroons. it was tender and flaky without being crumbly, offering just the right amount of resistance when tearing. Alas, the rest of the cookies lacked any semblance of moisture, and we all know how I feel about thin, crispy chocolate chip cookies. I don’t think I need to say anymore.

Black and White Ice Cream Cookie Sandwich -- you had me at ice cream + cookie.

Black and White Cookie Ice Cream Sandwich — you had me at ice cream + cookie.

– Black & White Cookie Ice Cream Sandwich (with salted caramel ice cream): To give proper context, I don’t like Black and White Cookies much (geez, this whole post is just me complaining about food, isn’t it?). I find most B&W Cookies far too cakey and dry on the cookie side, partially because the ratio of icing to cookie is far too small, and partially because often the icing’s texture is reminiscent of bathtub grout. In what may be an indication of a new dessert trend, my dessert at Butter was also an ice cream sandwich — a gingerbread cookie/vanilla ice cream concoction with candied pecans, which I couldn’t have been happier to stuff my face with. Unlike the main course, I’d put Kutsher’s iteration on nearly the same level as Butter‘s. As a fan of all things mini, I adored the tiny B&W cookies. Perhaps because of the smaller size and the fact that they soaked up the ice cream, I thought the cookie base was much moister, and paired with the icing better. However, Jacob seemed to get way more salted caramel sauce, leaving me with pretty much vanilla and chocolate as the only flavors (not that I mind vanilla and chocolate, but a little salt in a sweet dessert can often elevate all the flavors). The decadent piece de resistance was a small pot of homemade chocolate sauce to dip or pour over your sandwich. Obviously I had no complaints about additional chocolate.

Overall, the ice cream sandwich was definitely the more successful dessert, not only because it was more inventive in plating and concept, but also because it employed a variety of textures, from the liquid chocolate and caramel sauces, to the semisolid ice cream, to the firmer cookies.

Final Thoughts

Um, is there anything I haven’t already covered in this monstrosity of a review? Looking back on the meal, I would likely recommend Kutsher’s, although I think there is a special insider wink if you happen to be Jewish (my film professors would call it being a “knowing audience”). The food was high quality, abundant, and rich, so definitely don’t go in looking for a light salad. But I found enjoyable dishes in each of the courses offered on the Restaurant Week menu, which can often give a subpar impression of a restaurant, so I have to believe that Kutsher’s standard menu has a number of worthy options. Kutsher’s also wins points for whimsy and presentation. Aside from the few tasting menu experiences I’ve been fortunate enough to have, I haven’t been to that many restaurants that take the idea of fusion beyond the Asian realm of sushi pizza. So if the Pastrami Reuben Eggroll is any indication, Kutsher’s has some wacky ideas about Jewish cuisine, and I’m game to explore what else they might bring to the seder plate.

Kutsher’s Tribeca

186 Franklin St  New York, NY 10013

kutsherstribeca.com

I ... have no explanation.

I … have no explanation.